


Movie Night

by nyotarules



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Cultural Differences, Gen, Humor, Movie Night, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-14 12:07:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 3,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5743240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyotarules/pseuds/nyotarules
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome to Terran movie night on the USS Enterprise, all species are welcome. If you are culturally sensitive, stay in your quarters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

**January**

 

"Who picked this racist crap?!" Lieutenant M~klo shouted out as the audience sat in their seat. Bafflement coming from some of the non-humans, silence from the Terrans.

Chekov crouched down; hoping no one would notice his name on the choice list.

"Its based on a classic children's story," Dr Chapel retorted, getting ready to defend humankind.

"So you teach your children that our people live in the sewage?" Ensign R~Afella, eyes raised. The shell on her body turning dark, a sign that she was not pleased.

"Er… well. No we don't but." Chapel replied.

"It's bad enough you expect us to be slow. Just because the creatures on your planet are." Crewman L~Nrdo added.

"Come let's go. Before we really go ninja on their butts." M~klo , signalled to his fellow Turtelians.

Sulu whispered to his friend and colleague. "I told you to check with the Cultural sensitivity department before you picked this one. What's your second choice?"

Chekov whispered in reply, "Arachnophobia."

Looking over at Commander Holom, a Xindi – Insectoid, Sulu whispered back. "I don't think so."


	2. Guess who is coming to dinner (1967)

**February**

 

"So Lieutenant, whaddaya think?" McCoy asked his companion for the evening.

"Is this fictional story considered conducive to romance with human females?" T'Shira asked.

"Well, I suppose it is. In those days a 'negro' and a white lady being in a relationship? They were risking a lot! Thankfully, things are lot better now."

"However, there are some who object to interspecies relationships," T'Shira responded.

"Yeah well, those folks are just jerks," McCoy replied.

"I believe you held similar views Commander.. Leonard." She corrected herself at his insistence.

"Not true," He stressed. "I believed that Vulcans and Humans would have a hard time to ..you know..having a successful relationship."

"And yet, you bid for me at the Valentine's auction."

"That's different, it was for The Starfleet Veterans' fund."

"Also, Commander Spock and Lieutenant Uhura are most content."

"Yeah, those two look good together, don't they." McCoy smiled, he was one of their biggest defenders, not that they needed anyone defending their relationship.

"And here we are engaging in 'dinner and a movie'. Is this not the custom for humans who are considered romantic partners?"

McCoy sighed, the evening was going well. Yes he did pick her that night at the auction. It seemed a good idea at the time, even if he was dared into it. Anyway she looked gorgeous in her Vulcan robes, standing on the stage looking sexily aloof.

So he arranged dinner and a movie when he won the bid, after all it was her idea to experience Terran cultural norms for the evening. He decided to keep it simple. Maybe he should have just arranged a chess game instead - something cerebral and straightforward.

"I hope you're not offended Lieuten… T'Shira." He was still getting used to being less formal with her.

"There is no offense where none is taken.. Leonard." She bowed her head formally.

"So," He continued, sipping his wine as they waited for starters. "If a human were to ask you for a date, your answer would be?"

"My answer would be a logical one." She replied.

McCoy could not help but snort. Typical Vulcan evasion, but was that a twinkle of interest he saw in her eye? Surely not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope folks enjoyed their Valentine's day


	3. Dracula: Love at first bite

**March**

 

"This is hilarious! Funniest Terran movie I have seen on the ship."

"And to think there is a whole human genre devoted to this, based on this historical figure."

"Hey Drak, what does your people think of the accuracy of this movie?"

Ensign Drak, with his pale features and upper canine teeth on display at the request of his non human colleagues, shouted from the back of the rec room, "Well we always wondered what happened to Captain Bramstok's' ship. Perhaps he landed on Earth and decided to make a living writing comedy."

Scotty and his date Charlene Masters, looked at each other in bewilderment. Surely the horror movies of the 20th century were not based on the writings of an alien race. Earth and the rest of the Federation made First contact with the Vamperes only 30 years ago. That was the real history was it not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept this one short since I'm too full of chocolate Easter eggs but not too full to read reviews. :o)


	4. Godzilla

Disclaimer – If I could claim Star Trek as my own, I would

**April**

“I can’t believe they would be so stupid. I told Pavel to check with me the next time he wants to pick a film for Earth movie night.” Uhura sat at her desk, quickly scanning the ship’s entertainment database.

“I do not see what the issue, adun’a.” Spock responded to his wife. They had 10.6 minutes before the Gorn ambassador’s shuttle docked in the bay. He tried not to look impatient waiting for her so they could leave their quarters.

“Spock, don’t you get it”! Her vocal tones displaying exasperation.

“What do you want me to get, Nyota,”

“Ambassador Rhissssha, likes ‘Mammlian moving pictures’, as she calls them. So the Captain decided inviting her to Terran movie night was a good idea….”

“That is indeed logical,” Spock interrupted. He could not see what the problem was, they needed to get a move on.

“Sure, it is, a great idea, but showing Godzilla to the Gorn delegation, is just asking for us to be eaten or something!” Uhura wailed.

Spock was familiar with the illogical film. Its only saving grace in his opinion was the film caused his wife to cling to his person a lot tighter than normal. A most pleasant gesture. However he needed to correct her assumption

“The Gorn delegation will not consume the crew due to the erroneous choice of entertainment, Nyota”.

“How do you know that?” She enquired, her curiosity getting the better of her.

“They believe human flesh is too salty,” Her husband calmly responded.


	5. Babe in the city

Disclaimer – If I could claim Star Trek as my own, I would

**May**

"Attention all Enterprise personnel this is a ship wide announcement from the Cultural and Diversity committee :-

To whoever deleted the movie ' **Babe in the City** ' from the entertainment database please note this ship has the brightest and the best computer minds in the fleet. Your actions will be traced and dealt with forthwith. DNA testing will be conducted on all equipment, especially the security feeds. All crew with origins from Tellar Prime are to be interviewed first."

 

 

**Author's Notes – due to family bereavement in May, I am taking my time retuning to Fanfiction. I find it easier to deal with the lighter stories first. Thanks for your patience**


	6. Frozen

Disclaimer – If I could claim Star Trek as my own, I would

**June**

"Attention all Enterprise personnel this is a ship wide announcement from the Cultural and Diversity committee :-

To whoever manipulated the movie **'Frozen** ' from the entertainment database please note this ship has the brightest and the best computer minds in the fleet. Your actions will be traced and dealt with forthwith. DNA testing will be conducted on all equipment, especially the security feeds. All crew with origins from Andor are to be interviewed first."

Sulu laughed with relief, he had gotten away with it. He winked at his male companion for the evening, Lieutenant Thress. His antennae curled in amusement at his lover's antics. They would never find Andorian DNA anywhere near the equipment, since it was Hikaru's idea to replace the human faces with Andorian features for this old Terran animation. The culture depart needed a little shaking up, they kept choosing dull movies for Terran movie night, they needed something more exciting, like what was that movie called again? ' _The Thing_ ', now that is what you call a movie!


	7. An American werewolf in London

 

**July**

"So what's on tonight, Carol?" Kirk asked his date for the evening.

"I'm not sure, some old horror movie, I think." His girlfriend replied, adding the final touches to her makeup.

"Horror movie? You O.K. with watching one of those?"

"Don't worry Jim, if you get scared, I'll comfort you.'" She answered jokingly.

The Captain rolled his eyes as they prepared to leave her quarters.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I protest Captain! This Terran excuse for entertainment, is an infringement of Lycan rights!" Lt Akela, marched right up to the couple before they could enter the recreation hall.

"What's the issue, Mr Akela?" Kirk hoped after the two incidents of sabotage due to insensitive, cultural entertainment, the Diversity committee had things right. This time.

"Lycans are do NOT eat people, silver bullets do NOT effect our state, neither do we have a disease that can be passed on by a scratch or a bite. And what is it with this full moon? Sir."

The 6 foot, three inch (1.92 metre) tall Lyconian bristled, his skin shivering as if he was about to change his shape from humanoid to his other intimidating, wolf like appearance. One would think he was better suited to security than being head of the Supply department as Logistics Officer.

Kirk instinctively stepped back, seeing the shapeshifter in action still took some getting used to.

"What's on show tonight?" Marcus asked.

"Something about roaming werewolves in one of your Terran cities." Akela answered, he touched his PADD to show the couple the advert for the movie.

A holo copy of _An American werewolf in London_ , complete with sound and special effects, popped onto the screen.

Kirk sighed, looks like it was going to be one of those nights. Again.

**Author's Note - Akela is not a Changeling, he is a humanoid shapeshifter**


	8. The Lion, the Witch and the wardrobe

**August**

"So Aslan, charrrracterrrr he herrrro of film…..corrrrrrect"? asked Lt M'Ress.

"Da, Da …correct," Chekov replied.

He still could not believe he had a date with the popular M'Ress. So far his luck with human women, was not going well. Maybe he would have a better chance with nonhuman females.

"And he King of, how you say…. Naneya ?" She continued with her interrogation.

Chekov wished she would stop speaking and just flick her long, soft fluffy tail at him as they relaxed in his quarters after the movie.

"Narneya" Chekov answered.

"Narrrrrrniya." M'Ress repeated, the R sound rolling from her Caitian tongue.

"And yet he leaves hueamens in charrrrrge of planet!" M'Ress voice raised in shock and disappointment.

Chekov did not see what the problem was, the film was an old one, based on ancient children's book that was still popular on Earth.

And he had chosen it!

M'Ress hissed, and rose from the seat. "Nonsssssssense, even for film crrrrrreated for human kittens! Zis mating rrrrritual is overrrrr!

The door to his quarters swished shut as the sound of the tall, sandy brown female stomped from his room, her tail wagging behind her. A feline sign of annoyance.

Chekov sighed as he considered another date ending in disappointment. He crossed over to where he kept his secret stash of Romulan ale. Maybe he should ask Ensign Gralla of Engineering for a date. Tellarites considered insults a compliment. So what could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lt M'Ress, Caitian character from TAS, she rolls her r's like a cat purring.
> 
> Hope I have Chekov's voice right


	9. Jurassic Park

Disclaimer – If I could claim Star Trek as my own, I would

 

**Terran Movie Night, September**

 

T- Rex roared in triumph, once again she was Queen of all she surveyed. No more a captive in a cold box. The other strange large beast was destroyed, with the aid of her new little blue sister. It was a shame that the two legged fresh food had escaped to the other island. But never mind, she believed they would return, they never seemed to accept the fact that this place was hers….

Yeoman Vexis, stood and applauded at the end of the ancient movie. At last a dramatization he could understand! Fictional motion drama was not a Gorn tradition, they preferred to see their historical dramas acted live on stage. But they did enjoy some of the stories shared by the mammalian beings called Huuumeens. One did not appreciate the Terran stories by the pen warrior Shaking the Spears until one watched it in the original Gornish language. The Taming of the Shrew was Vexis' favourite, he believed he had an eye for females, even the ugly non reptilian ones, and to see them tamed in such an awesome manner! Magnificent! Ancient huuumeeens were much more civilised back then. Now, now they practiced this weird concept called 'gender equality'. Oh well, at least he was honoured to be the first Gorn to serve in their Starfleet. A gesture of goodwill from the Gorn Hegemony.

"Looks like you enjoyed the movie, Vexy," Chief Petty Officer, Yeoman Janice Rand, noted. Vexy was one of eight crewmen in the Admin department. As its head it was her job to see to the wellbeing of all her crew, especially the new recruits like the young Gorn. She supposed even The Gorn had to do some admin work during their former killing and pillaging days.

"Yesssh, it is honour to watch. But concerned, ssssuch intelligence, why magnificent beingssss not rule your planet?" Vexy asked, as he sat prepared to eat his gagh sandwich, The only live food he was allowed to eat in public on this cold ship.

Rand tried not to screw up her face in disgust at the sight of the wriggling worms between the slices of bread.

"Well, millions of years ago it is believed an asteroid wiped them out. They became extinct and humans took over." Rand answered.

"Ah, no asssssteroid on our planet, but we once had ancient mammalian humeeenss." Vexis replied.

"So what happened to them?" Rand asked.

"You musssst understand, many eons ago, this story is." The young Gorn seemed reluctant to tell her.

"Yes, go on, I'm listening."

"Sssstory goes, great winter came many eons ago, no warm days for many suns. Before winter millions of mammalians, after winter not many mammalians." Gorn shrugged as he dug into another sandwich.

"Oh, oh, ooooohh," Rand replied in understanding. She glanced at the teeth biting into his food. Out of curiousity she asked a question.

"So Vexy, if we ever crashed and was stranded on a planet"..? She was reluctant to complete her question.

Vexy, turned his reptilian head, his large grey eyes staring back at her.

"Janiiicee if such bad event, we experience. Pray for a short winter."


	10. Free State of Jones

**Terran Movie Night, October**

**Free State of Jones (Earth date 2016)**

The movie audience was silent as the credits rolled. "Well, good to see even you humans were not always so civilised." Dr Greet, the ship's Tellarite, xeno- neurologist decided to break the silence of the small crowd in the recreation hall. It appears the film was not entertaining enough to attract the normally large audience movie night usually had. Perhaps because there were no nonhumanoids in the movie or the subject matter was not showing humanity in the best light. Captain Kirk wondered if McCoy had made an error in choosing such a contentious movie, even if the events had taken place over 400 years ago. But the doctor had his own personal reasons for his choice.

As the audience departed, to their various posts and quarters. The doctor decided to defend his choice.

"The crew gotta be educated as well as entertained, Jim. Plus it will be good for morale, well the morale for the non human crew anyway. Folks can stop complaining Terran movies are biased."

"All movies are biased, Bones, it was Hollywood, they did not always get the facts right."

"Maybe not, but that guy did exist and so did that war."

The doctor's companion for the evening, Lt T'Shira, joined the conversation.

"Most, if not all sentient species had a barbaric past, Captain."

"Yes Lieutenant, they probably did, but how many portray them for entertainment?" The Captain responded.

"Vulcans commit their historical facts to documentaries, stories and poems. We are not suitable for acting, it is an emotional profession." The Vulcan officer answered.

"And Modern Hollywood relies on computerised holo animation to tell their stories. No wonder actors have to resort to live theatre, since the invention of realistic looking holograms. Probably a lot cheaper too!" The Captain's last statement was said with humorous intent, the mood needed a little lightening.

"Holographic images can look realistic, but nothing beats seeing the emotions on a real actors' face, telling the story on the screen, whatever species he or she is." McCoy responded, his mood still subdued.

The captain agreed, he also shared his best friend's love and fascination with antiques, including old Earth movies.

The three officers arrived at the turbolift. Kirk headed off to the bridge, since Carol Marcus was on night watch, he decided to change shifts so he could join her. The doctor and the Communicaton's officer headed to the arboretum.

"Still wanna explore Terran social practises after seeing that?" The doctor asked, they had been getting to know each other for a few weeks. How they had arrived at this point still surprised him.

"It would be illogical to blame you for your region's past, just as it would be illogical for you to do the same with me." T'Shira responded.

"On Earth four hundred, years ago, where I'm from, a human who looked like you would not get the best chance in life." The Doctor reminded her. He observed her golden-sandy coloured skin tone with its hint of green, her reddish-brown wavy hair and grey eyes. If she was human she would be considered of mixed heritage – African plus something else. Thankfully these days, such things no longer mattered.

"Then it is fortunate I did not live on Earth, four hundred years ago."

A comfortable ambience settled between them. The doctor headed to the water fountain, and handed her a full cup of the refreshing liquid.

"I suspect there is a personal reason that you chose this film, doctor." T'Shira asked, as they sipped in quiet contemplation.

"Yeah, there is." He was surprised at her intuitiveness. Vulcans were not known for that. But there was something intriguing about her, maybe it was just her professional skill in reading people at work.

"I did it for my mother." The doctor answered.

"Your mother has a connection to this film?" She asked.

"Not to the film itself, but to Newt Knight. My mother's name is Eleonora Knight McCoy. We're one of his descendants."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw this film Oct 2nd, it left a lasting impression on me. I decided to include it in my story. Historical based dramas do not always portray the pretty side of history and this is a part of human history I suspect they do not teach in many schools. Unfortunately, history is written by the 'conquerors'.


	11. The Incredible hulk

**Terran Movie Night, November**

**The New Adventures of The Incredible Hulk (23rd century version)**

Commander Gaila jumped off the transporter pad and ran into the arms of her best friend.

"Ny, Ny. I came as soon as I could. I've been looking forward to Movie night ever since Enterprise docked."

"It's so good to see you, Gaila, you look great!" Her best friend Uhura replied. Trying not to show too much envy that Gaila was one rank above her.

"You know I've been dying to watch the classics. What are you all showing tonight, _'The Stud, Danny does Denobula, Sex in the city in the 22nd century_ ,?"

Uhura rolled her eyes and sighed, "Gaila, I've been telling you for years, those are not classic movies. They're porn films!"

Gaila patted her arm, speaking to her friend as if she was mentally challenged.

"And I've been telling you for years, they won all the best awards on Orion for 'Best foreign language film', but no matter. Let's go see what's on show. What's the title again?"

" _The Incredible Hulk_ ," Uhura answered.

"Oh sounds interesting. Is he incredible cos he gives good hea…."

No, Gaila, just, just wait and see. You'll love it, he blows stuff up."

xxxxxxx

As the character, Doctor David Banner, turned green, Gaila whispered in delight.

"Oh look, he's changing colour. Has he turned into an Orion? Did the rays increase his libido?"

Uhura trying to reign in her exasperation, responded, "Gay, its not that type of film. It's Terran movie night, not Deltan movie night."

"You mean everyone in this movie is a virgin? Is this a human infant's film?"

"No, Gaila, its rated for 13 and above. Give it a chance, you'll enjoy it. There's violence in it." She encouraged her friend, knowing her taste in films included some fighting and other violent acts.

Xxxxxxxxx

"So what do you think? " Uhura asked Gaila,

The Commander managed to remain quiet for the rest of the film, at one point Gaila looked as if she had fallen asleep.

"Well. I hope _Enterprise_ doesn't get reported to the Species Equality Commission for this."

Gaila stood up, gathering the remnants of her snacks.

"Huh, Gaila what you talking about, there's nothing wrong with the movie."

"Really, Nyota. Have you shown your husband this thing that passes for entertainment? Would you watch a film with a plot, whenever the lead character got angry she or he turned brown or pink? Why couldn't the writers make this hulk man sexier, more intelligent or whenever he changes colour he turns into a fabulous woman like me! I thought you were my friend?"

Uhura realised she had to do a damage limitation exercise as Gaila wailed on and on about her forgetting her cultural sensitivity training, maybe they needed to review their friendship, or maybe she should speak to the Commodore and limit Enterprise shore leave. After all she was the First Officer on the base…and on and on and on.

"Gaila!" Uhura tried not to snap to get her attention.

"Yes, Nyota?"

"You want to watch _Danny does Denobula_ in my quarters?"

"Ohhh yes please! Girl's night in, just like the old days" She squealed.

"No Gaila, I won't be sleeping with you…that was a loooong time ago, I was just experimenting. I'm married now, and so are you. We are no longer cadets."

"I could make it an order, **Lt Cmdr Uhura**." Gaila brows wriggled suggestively.

"Not if you don't want to break 12 Starfleet regulations on sexual harassment, **Commander Gaila** ".

"Drat," Was the Commander's response.

Damn Terran regulations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go!


	12. Galaxy Quest (2270)

**Terran movie night - December**

 

**Galaxy Quest (23rd century version)**

 

Comments from the USS Enterprise senior officers after attending the holo - cinematic premiere

  
**Lt Pavel Chekov, Chief Navigation officer – Operations division**  
“I do not see vhy the nawigation officer had to be played by a child.”

 **Lt Hikaru Sulu, Second office & Chief Pilot – Command division**  
"So who was supposed to be me then?”

 **Lt Commander Montgomery Scott, Chief Engineer – Engineering division**  
"That Scottish accent was crap. I’ve heard better impersonations from a Klingon!"

 **Dr Carol Marcus – Chief Tactical officer – Tactical & Security division**  
"So why is the security officer played by a no name red shirt?"

 **Lt Commander Nyota Uhura, Chief of operations – Operations division**  
"I was more than a glorified ancient telephone operator! And I never showed my bust!”

 **Dr Leonard McCoy – Chief Medical officer – Medical division**  
"I wish working for Starfleet was that much fun!"

 **Lt Commander Spock – First Officer & Chief Science officer - Command & Science division**  
"This dramatic but incorrect attempt at portraying a Vulcan leaves a lot to be desired. And if the female crew’s undergarments were ever on display on the bridge it would be a breach of regulations.”

 **Captain James Kirk – Commanding officer - Command division**  
Comment 1 "I never lost that many shirts!”  
Comment 2 “I wished the female crew uniform was really that short”

**Admiral Pike - Vice Admiral for the Confederacy of Surak***

**"** Why are they always killing me off?"

*In my AU Pike is still alive

 

**Author's Note:**

> Something silly as I update my regular stories. Imagine if characters in our real life sci fi/fantasy/horror movies were just regular members of the Federation, and some of them were crew on the Enterprise.


End file.
